Lost love

So, I am sitting here in gym... Bored as hell... as usual... the only reason I stayed in here was the fact that my best friend was in here. I haven't written in a while due to the fact that there is no time in a packed schedule that I seem to own. Lately, I have found myself inconclusive on what I want. I have found love in someone who has a girlfiend, someone who is so sweet to me, makes me love the lust that I feel for him. I cannot take the angering pain on top of the insecurities that roam in my mind. I keep thinking that if I had only felt this way sooner things would be different. I realized it when the band competition happened. I no longer felt like his main focus, but more of his other woman. The band competition seemed to make me dwell in paining insecurities. I watched a girl I like makle-out with a guy I like, it seemed to be a pain I had never felt before. I just wanted someone to talk to about it but everyone had their own problems which minimized my own. I don't know what it means to feel love any more. it seems that when i focus upon what really matters, I fall into the drought called life. I don't know what to feel when what i feel sees morally and emotionally wrong. Can you love someone who loves someone else?

i am in the conclusion that it seems to fade from all the beliefs that once were due to the fact that what I now believe have come to me in a sense of pain. I have become witness to the the thought of emoality, been tortured into the thought of death, mutilation, pain, anger, resentment and most off heartbreak. My parents came to the conclusion that both me and my sister are worthless peices of shit, but yet... we have done nothing but help them while they were laid out of work. I don't know what to do any more. Should I hold on with all my might, or fight till the death for my lost love?